As I unpacked chapter 5 in How People Grow this week, a lot of stuff I didn't even know I still had inside of me came to the surface. My emotions are very raw right now as I have been dealing with new memories. So to figure out where my lack of trust comes into play was just one more thing added to the mix. I don't know what to do with the stuff I am dealing with now, let alone adding something else on top of it all. I figured out that I have not given a certain situation over to God, nor do I fully grasp where he was in certain situations. Wrestling with God over doubts is so hard. I end up with peace, but I don't always have the questions answered. It would be nice if God gave it to me in a nice little package. Here is your question - here is the answer. It would be nice if it all made sense. It would be nice if I weren't stumbling around in the darkness. It would be nice to not feel this pain. But we don't live in a nice world. We live in a world infected by sin where the devil wanders around seeking whom he may devour. He wants to keep me in a state of emotional distress. He wants me to dwell on the unanswerable questions. He wants to mess with my faith. So even though I don't have all the answers, and I know I won't this side of heaven, I will continue to walk.
Transformation comes through pain. Precious gemstones become that way through the unbearable pressure of the the earth pushing them and forming them into something else. Precious metal becomes that way by burning out the impurities in the roaring hot fire. My heart is changed - transformed - through suffering. I have two choices. Trust in God and grow through the pain. Or turn my back on God and his ways and be stuck in my pain. I don't like the growth process one bit. I wish it was easier, but I know the result will be worth the journey. I know that my walk with God, my journey through the muck of my life will be used to help someone else find their way.
3 comments:
hang in there. i know it hurts. the pain goes crazy deep. [i do believe that the transformation goes just as deep, but wow, the pain part is so intensely hard.]
nobody likes the pain part. I wish we could skip the suffering part. My only comfort in that part of the process was that Jesus endured all kinds of suffering and yet did it for us so we would have someone who could sympathize with us in our weakness.
you are on the right path and I pray that you will be strenghtened in the midst...
This made me think of you.
"I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable."
-Joseph Addison
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