Visual Poetry Part 2

I made this image using Visual Poetry: http://www.imagechef.com/ic/poem/.

I chose this image because it represents the words in the poem. The poem is the first stanza of a poem I wrote in February 2004. At the time, I still stuffed my pain deep inside where no one could see. I would take it out in the safety of writing, and then stuff it back away. At that time, I never imagined that I would be able to reflect, heal, change, and become new. But God knew, and helped me to put my hope into words. He relentlessly pursued me until I surrendered to the hope he offered me. On the other side, I have found freedom, healing, and peace that I never imagined. The fact that the God who created heaven and earth and all that it encompasses loves me that much... it is too much to comprehend. I am so thankful that he pursued me and allowed me to experience a new life.

Visual Poetry

Thus and such

The last week of school was crazy busy. We had to return to school on Mon, Jun 9th for finals, then had a teacher workday on Tue, Jun 10. I had to get everything graded and all of the "end-of-year" stuff done, as well as pack up my room for moving to a different room. Although the packing up was a good thing, it was still packing up and all that involves. Although I got a lot done, I had to go back on Wed to try to finish up. I didn't get quite done, but mostly. On top of that, I was super sick and trying not to push myself too hard so I didn't get sicker.

My lovely daughter and her boyfriend came out on Thursday, Jun 12 for five days. We had an awesome time. We went to Lake Tahoe, Big Trees State Park, Mercer Caverns and Virgina City. We hung out and played games and had fun. My husband and I wondered when did she grow up so much. She has turned this wonderful young woman that I am proud to call daughter.

I went back to school after they left and finished everything except the stuff that needs to be locked up. The custodians moved my stuff to my new room and my husband and I went to in to measure for new furniture. I will be glad when the second part of the moving process - unpacking - is all done and I can claim the new room as home.

I have also been busy with my new masters program. So far, the assignments haven't been too terribly hard. Getting back into writing papers in APA format has been the hardest. This morning I started a journal search, and remembered what fun that is - sorting through hundreds of abstracts to find the one that will fit the assignment... I am just trying to pace myself and not get too controlling over it. I have not given into the constant checking or the obsessing over the assignments that I did when I got my last masters. I have asked my husband to keep me in check on that because I tend to be overly perfectionistic and it hurts my family time.

Other than that, I am ready to just enjoy my summer and do some much needed relaxing.

Grieving a loss

Although I am settled about our decision to stay here, and I am confident that is what God wants for now, the decision isn't always easy. Last night, I got a call from AZ, asking if I was still interested in moving. Wow. Timing is everything they say. When I researched the job - my heart sang. That is definitely not the case in my current position. When I spoke on the phone to the principal, I felt a connection. Again, not the case here. It seemed so good, so right. But then there were the inevitable questions: How would we pay for everything with such a significant loss of pay, would a new job be available for Lance, do we really want to move back to a big city... Those are the questions we wrestled with as a couple. The question I wrestled with personally was what did God want me to do. I am confident that God wants me here, for whatever reason. I do know that my current position keeps me in prayer. I do know that God sees the big picture, while I see only a part. I do know that I am supposed to be pursuing counseling and new job would be a distraction from that. But all of that does not make it hurt any less that I had to tell her, no, I am sorry, but it is too late for me to give notice to my current employer and that the non-answer seemed like a no. She seemed genuinely sorry. I felt horrible because that is my dream job. Sometimes, when God wants us to do something, it doesn't feel good and we don't understand it. So last night, I prayed and cried and wrestled with God over the timing of the whole thing. It would have been so much easier if she just never called, never said she was sorry, never said she hoped we could meet face to face someday. However, God does not call us to that which is easy. He calls us to obedience. I had to give myself permission to grieve this loss of a dream job. It hasn't been easy for me to grieve. I usually just push it all away. But this time, I will grieve. I will let God know that although I don't understand, I will stay the course he has set, trusting that he will make all things right.

Proverbs 21:2 All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.

Endings and beginnings

The end of the year is always so crazy busy for me. We had a hugely successful yearbook distribution event. There have been fewer complaints than normal about the yearbook. (However, each one still cuts me to the core because of how invested I am in "getting it right". This is something I need to still work on. My worth DOES NOT come from other people, it comes from God.) I have been busy distributing the rest of the yearbooks, giving and grading finals, and doing the internal transition of staying goodbye to much loved students. This year, I have known all of my seniors in yearbook for the past three years. It is hard to let go, hard to know that they will not be walking into my room next fall. I let go with prayers and tears, but also with hope for their futures.

Then begins the cleaning up my room process for next year, which is made more complicated by changing rooms. I am so excited to be changing rooms and it is a definite answer to prayer. I will now be in the main building and will have a new room. I have a good core to start the new yearbook, but many newbies coming up. We will work hard over the summer to get ready to produce another year of memories for the students. I will also work on my skills in graphics so I can teach those students better. We got new textbooks in April, so I need to finish going through the book and planning new lessons.

I also start my new MS in counseling on the 9th of this month. So it will be a very busy summer, but I am looking forward to it - mostly to all the new possibilities.

On another note, last Saturday, we finished a transaction that will root us here for awhile. We got a new car, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon. I wanted my husband to have something new and fun. He has always supported me, always driven the crap car, always been my rock. To be able to do this for him was amazing and I thank God for the blessing of a stable job with a stable income so I could bless my husband in this manner. We named her Emma the Jeep, she is a deep green. We took her out less than two hours after picking her up and got her very muddy. It was so much fun! We have never had a new car so it was and is an awesome experience. I still can't believe we have a brand new car!

Well, I have to finish getting ready for my last Friday of the year. Back to school on Mon and Tues, then my daughter comes for a visit and it will be time to relax and have fun with my family.