In the midst of the storm, peace

This decision that my family is facing is one of the largest we have ever had to deal with. We have had similar times of making such a decision, but because the past plays into this - on so many levels - this one just seems more fraught with all of the what ifs. We have been holding this one pretty close to ourselves, not saying much to anyone. I have some awesome friends that are partnering in prayer with me over this. We spoke to our pastor and he gave us some perspective. So for now - we move forward with what has been presented and see where it takes us. We are praying for clarity and that doors would either open wide or slam shut so that we are in God's will. This decision has forced my husband and I to dialogue about some hard stuff, stuff that leaves me feeling all kinds of vulnerable. Sharing that with him is hard, but I have learned that I must trust - even when I don't feel like it.

I guess what I really want to concentrate on here is that in the midst of the confusion and the not knowing what to do there have been some shining moments of God working in my life.

• I have a couple of friends that I know are truly partnering with me in this. They are not worried about what they want, but what God wants.
• I have learned to go outside of myself and allow others to help me carry my burden.
• I have learned to let my husband see the scared parts by sharing what I am afraid of.
• When I wished for someone to talk to at work, someone I knew I could trust from outside came in to see me and she is praying for me as well.
• I have reconciled within myself and with God the ability to accept my past as it was, and to move on from there, knowing that his love and his grace is all I need.
• I received an email from another friend, who after reading my last few blog entries, said she would pray for me.
• I am learning to give my worry to God as it crops up and he is helping me to not spin out of control.

I truly have so many blessings in my life. And this decision, whichever way we go, will be a blessing. It is the blessing of choice - the blessing of not being stuck. So thank you God for allowing this situation to come into our lives so I could more fully lean into you and seek your will.