Steps to Freedom in Christ

I haven’t written much lately because I have been focusing on a process I was going to go through. Several months ago, I was convicted of my unforgiveness toward my parents, as well as some other people I was bitter toward. I started counseling again with the intention of forgiving my father for his sins against me. I read about forgiveness in the bible as well as some materials my counselor gave me. I made lists and prayed to prepare my heart for this journey. In the session where I was going to forgive him as an act of obedience to God, I discovered I could not. That was the session where I realized I identified myself as abuse. Thus started the hard work of learning my worth in God and replacing the lies I believed about myself with the truth of God’s word. I had to face some new memories and deal with some hard truths about myself. I learned to clean out the “take-out box in the back of the refrigerator” by asking God to search me and make me whole. God was faithful and brought things to mind that I did not even know where there. I tried to remain vulnerable and open to God even though at times the knowledge and pain seemed too much to bear. I trusted that God would not give me more than I was able to take and I learned to lean on Him, as well as those in my life that have committed to walk the road with me.

Fast-forward several months to yesterday. I spent three and half hours going through a process by Dr. Neil Anderson called Steps to Freedom in Christ. Two people that I trust with my life walked the road with me, interceding in prayer as I gave my stuff to God. God knew my stuff was huge and he prepared the way for me to clean out the bitterness, anger, hurt, confusion, and unforgiveness. Through the process, I was able to break strongholds, truly forgive the offenses of my parents, truly forgive myself for the stuff I have done, and gain a sense of peace I have not experienced before. The process was exhausting and emotional beyond what I expected, but when we were done, I felt… I don’t know how to put into words what I felt… lighter, free, clean. Words fail me here.

Last night the sermon was on the power of prayer and it was very affirming considering the morning spent in deep prayer with God. I think I really get how much God loves me and desires to be in relationship with me. I have had mountain-top experiences before, but all too soon, the feelings dissipate. I would not describe the prayer process yesterday morning as a mountain-top experience. I would describe it as deep and intimate communication with my father.

This morning, I continue to have peace in my heart and a lightness I have not experienced before. I feel cleansed, from the inside. That is huge for me. Because of the sexual abuse and the lies I was told, I have always battled against my body and have never felt truly clean. What God did for me yesterday was truly a miraculous event. There is no other way to describe it. I am anticipating the wonderful things God has planned for me. I know that yesterday was not a climactic event. It was the beginning of a deeper walk with God. I am not finished with this process, nor is what began yesterday complete. I declare that I choose God and I choose the life he gives every day so that I can grow closer to him and that my life will bring him glory. Thank you Jesus for walking beside me and thank you for cleansing my heart. Thank you for those that walk me with. I love you my father.