Over the past several years, I have learned more and more that we have to be in relationship with others in order to grow in Christ. The bible doesn't suggest we have relationships. It tells us: "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25 We have relationships so we can hold each other accountable, encourage one another, and be God with skin on for each other. It is too difficult to live a Christian life without Christian friends holding us accountable.
For a very long time, I kept away from relationship. I have huge problems trusting people, so putting myself out there for others was so hard. I got burned badly by some people in my old church, so I thought if that was how it was, I would do it on my own. Not only did I shy away from making new relationships, I pulled away from old relationships. When I really started healing, I wanted to tell those who had a part in my healing thank you. Most, although they guessed at the abuse, did not know the full extent. To be told even a part of why I was thanking them made them uncomfortable. Thus, it made me feel uncomfortable as well. I didn't pull away at that time, but rather just pulled back somewhat. Then, when I really started digging into the abuse and gaining healing, it was just too hard to try and do everything I had to do to get through the day to worry about past relationships. But through the recovery program at church, I have learned that I must have relationship in order to grow in my faith and continue in my healing. Now, I easily call a friend when I am going through a rough spot. It has been a huge transition.
So what about the old relationships. Slowly, I have tried to re-establish those that were important. I have looked up some people that had a hand in protecting me, some that just tried to love me even though they could not understand the horror of my life, and some that gave me a sense of my worth when I thought I was not worthy of anything. This last weekend my family went to Sacramento to a BBQ with a friend from my past. I felt that I had enough healing in my life to once again connect with this family. Although I have written Christmas cards every year, that was about the extent of the relationship. This family had a huge impact on my healing. I truly believe that if it would not have been for their intervention, I would be dead. I am pretty sure they have no idea as to the extent of my abuse. They weren't trying to save me. I believe they were just being obedient to God when they took me into their hearts. I spent more time with this family than with my own. I had many firsts with them: bible study, going to church as a family, going on family trips, going to church camp (which they paid for and I didn't know at the time), just hanging out and enjoying each others company. The fact that God put this family in my life proves to me how much He loves me. Their example, I believe, has helped me to be the kind of parent and wife that I am today. I certainly did not gain those skills from my own family. I will be forever grateful to them for their love and acceptance of me.
Anyway, when I visited, two members of the family, the brother and sister were there. I felt pretty much at ease right away. I couldn't believe so many years had passed and things were that comfortable. I did tell them in a small part how their family had made such an impact on me. I hope that I did not make them feel uncomfortable. I know it is hard for those on the outside to see the pain in our lives and the evil that exists in this world. So if you guys are reading, thank you again for having a part in my healing. Know that I look on you as a gift from God. I am thankful to have known you and I am thankful for the re-connection. God bless.
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