Following a Different Path

For the past two and half years, I have been actively involved in the STEP ministry at my church. First, as a participant, where some deep wounds had a chance to heal as others walked alongside of me and helped me through the valleys. Then as a facilitator where I gave back to the ministry that helped me so much.

I love this ministry. I love the people. I love the mission. I love how this ministry effects real and lasting change in people by pointing them directly to the source of our healing, Jesus Christ. There is nothing I don't love about this ministry. So last night was a really hard night for me.

God is moving me in a new direction. I am going to pursue the counseling piece of my calling that I ran away from when I went back to school in 1995. I have started a biblical counseling class at church and I am going to enroll in a counseling program to pursue licensing. I tend to get really focused and will do lots of different things. I like challenge and meeting all of those challenges. But one of the many things I learned in STEP is that I don't have to do everything. Nor should I. I made a commitment last year to really value my marriage. To put my husband and my family first on my list instead of last. I have seen some big improvements since I changed my focus away from work/church/everything else to where it should be - my husband and family. I have been blessed with a patient and understanding husband that supports everything I do, patiently waiting on the sidelines until I remember to recognize that he is there. That was a very destructive and sinful pattern I had. So with all of that in mind, I knew something had to give. God is calling me back to the counseling part and I will follow that. So I told some of the leadership last night that I would be stepping down from my leadership role as well as any active participation in STEP. It felt like breaking up with 20 people that you love. Everyone was super supportive, which almost made it harder. That is not what you expect from life. But my church reflects Christ, not the world, and that is why they are letting me go with love. I will go back when I can and try to pop in when I can. But for now, I have to pursue where God is leading me, while honoring my marriage by not overextending my commitments.

A few years ago, I would have just plowed ahead and done everything. I have grown so much and I realize that I have to prioritize what is important. The job will pass away, someone else will step up and fill my shoes in STEP, and I must fill my life with the things of God, including what he is calling me to do and being present for the blessings he has provided for me in the form of my family. So I enter this new phase of my life with some sadness, yet also with a sense of breathless anticipation for what God is going to do. The next few years should be exciting, tiring, and filled with more learning. Thank you God for the growth I have had and the growth I will be going through.