My Story

For the past six years I have been writing my story. The idea was planted when I was 19, sitting in a cafe in downtown Phoenix, during lunch with a friend. I was relating, in a very small part, my childhood and said I would really like to help others who have gone through the same thing. I told him that someday I would write a book about my experiences.

Fast forward 16 years to my first year teaching at Blue Ridge High School. In walks R.E. We made a connection right away. She was also affected by abuse and so we shared stories. Having walked the road longer and having somewhat of a grip on my past (does anyone ever fully have a grip on something so devastating?), I was able to help her deal with day to day issues as well as some of the bigger stuff. I told her of my desire to write a book. She asked me why didn't I just start. She was right. My husband was still in Phoenix wrapping up selling the house and looking for a job in Pinetop. So I had time I would not have otherwise had. I started drafting the story. I looked over old diary entries and poetry I had written during my Freshman year of high school. That was a pivotal year for me in my journey toward healing. I formatted the book as my diary. I would take breaks from writing because the material was obviously difficult. Between working, being a wife and mother, and life in general, I got through my first draft. I didn't delve as deeply as I could have, but I got some of it out. Several of my students that I developed close relationships with read through some of the entries as I finished. I didn't share everything, but enough to know that what I was doing was a good thing.

Fast forward 4 years to my first year teaching in Nevada. For some reason, I opened the computer file and started writing again. I filled in the blanks. My writing was filled with hurt and anger. Through the new process of writing, I joined a survivors group and really tackled some of the hard stuff. I finished the book.

Fast forward another year. Sitting in church, my pastor asked "what does God want you to do right now?" God, in that still small voice, told me to finish my book. I told God in no uncertain terms that I had finished my book. Again, I heard the voice telling me to finish the book. I knew enough about God and his prompting to trust the voice and do what was asked of me. Thus began an intense six month journey in which God brought great healing to me. I was able to use the tools I had for healing, turning to God in my deepest pain, trusting people He had placed in my life, and reworking the book to really reflect the journey from a child of 14 to a woman who has found healing.

I gave my book to my pastor to read and when he finished he told me he wanted to talk to me about it. He basically told me that it had to be published and that he would try to help me down that path. Now although I had a vague idea that someday the book might be published, the reality of it set in and kind of scared me. I have known for a very long time that I wanted to publish the book. My main goal is to help others down the same path I have walked. That would be pretty impossible if the book just sat in my computer and only a few people read it. Still - the reality of my story, my pain, becoming public fodder, well, it is rather frightening. Anyway, with my pastor's help, the book has been sent off to a publisher. So we are praying and waiting to see what God will do. I do believe that God has something for me, something that will turn my pain into His glory through helping others. So for now, I wait in peaceful anticipation for what will come next.