Surprised by compassion

Last night as I couldn't sleep I was thinking about the process I've been walking through. I was having a mock conversation in my head with one of my co-workers. (Probably won't happen because I keep stuff pretty close, I don't think people at work are on a need to know basis.) I was saying that the last few weeks have been incredibly difficult and that I wouldn't wish what I was going through on my worst enemy. I thought for a few seconds, then added, "Well, maybe on my father." But then I thought about that and actually, I would not wish any of this even on the one who is the cause of all this pain. I was surprised at my feeling of compassion for the man who has caused so much damage in my life. Although my father is the source of the majority of trauma in my life, I still would not want him to have the hurt the way I hurt. That compassion blows me away. I believe that compassion is only because I have walked this journey with God, leaning on him to heal those parts of me the majority of people in my life have no clue exist. Moving forward through this process with new insight and downright surprise at this feeling is still difficult. But I do know that God is in the midst and he is faithful.