Disequalibrium

I'm into my 5th week of my program and I just started my second class. Wow, it is so much work to do two classes at once. I find myself fascinated and frustrated at the same time. When reading the material or my classmates postings, I try to visualize situations that I have been in and I can see how I could have handled things differently or how I did okay. I also can see things that I haven't seen before, such as certain patterns or symptoms that people have. I try not to "analyze" people and place them in categories, but sometimes it is so much easier to put a face to a theory.

My new class, Mental Health Counseling is really interesting thus far. The information is less theory and more practical. However, it is leaving me with more questions than answers at this point. I had a favorite professor in my undergrad education program that used to say she liked to see us in disequalibrium because from that state of uncomfortableness, we were better able to learn. Thanks Dr. Betz for that wisdom that has stuck with me. I used to be really uncomfortable if I felt out of my element. Now, I have, for the most part anyway, learned to rest in the disequalibrium. I know that I won't always feel lost and that I will learn. I think that the theory of disequalibrium has its foundation in biblical principles. Doesn't it seem that sometimes God wants us to muddle through something, feeling lost, so we can learn to fully depend on him? At least that is how it is for me. In the midst of something that rocks my world, if I just relax and learn to open my heart to what God is trying to tell me, that is when the answers come and when I can find peace in the midst of the storm. Until then though, I am as tossed by the waves as the next guy. The trick is learning to lean on God and not myself. If I have learned anything over the past several years it is to let go during the times I want to hold on the tightest. God has not failed me yet during the times I felt completely out of my element. So, during this time of learning new things, I will wrestle with the questions I have, but not get so wrapped up in those questions that I forget to turn to God for help.

One problem with the program I am in is that it will have a worldview. I really wanted to complete my training through a Christian program because I knew I would have value differences with what I was being taught. However, as in public education, I know that God can use all of what I am learning to teach me what it is I need to know. I am still not sure of the arena that God wants me to work in once I finish this degree, so being open to options is very important. If I don't learn about all of the information, I may not be prepared for whatever it is God is calling me to.

Some of the questions that I am wrestling with this week are:

• Counseling the perpetrator of abuse - as of this minute, that seems impossible, but if God wanted me to go there, he would provide what I needed. Being open to that possibility scares the pants off of me.
• Working with same sex couple issues. I have successfully worked with students in school that have that lifestyle, but it does make me uncomfortable and it goes against everything I believe in.
• Will my tears in a session help, hinder, or be neutral for a client? I know that in the biblical counseling setting, it is okay to show that emotion, but I'm not sure otherwise. The empathy that I can feel for someone else's pain can bring the tears unbidden. I am not sure how to change that or even if I need to. I don't want to cultivate "professional distance" because I want my clients to know that I am walking alongside of them.
• Will I be effective with those who have different values than I do or will I become judgemental?
• If a terminally ill person comes to me and wants to end their life, what would I do?

Those are just some of the questions from my reading that really required me to think. No answers yet, just thoughts and questions. But I am content to be in disequalibrium for the moment.