Grieving a loss

Although I am settled about our decision to stay here, and I am confident that is what God wants for now, the decision isn't always easy. Last night, I got a call from AZ, asking if I was still interested in moving. Wow. Timing is everything they say. When I researched the job - my heart sang. That is definitely not the case in my current position. When I spoke on the phone to the principal, I felt a connection. Again, not the case here. It seemed so good, so right. But then there were the inevitable questions: How would we pay for everything with such a significant loss of pay, would a new job be available for Lance, do we really want to move back to a big city... Those are the questions we wrestled with as a couple. The question I wrestled with personally was what did God want me to do. I am confident that God wants me here, for whatever reason. I do know that my current position keeps me in prayer. I do know that God sees the big picture, while I see only a part. I do know that I am supposed to be pursuing counseling and new job would be a distraction from that. But all of that does not make it hurt any less that I had to tell her, no, I am sorry, but it is too late for me to give notice to my current employer and that the non-answer seemed like a no. She seemed genuinely sorry. I felt horrible because that is my dream job. Sometimes, when God wants us to do something, it doesn't feel good and we don't understand it. So last night, I prayed and cried and wrestled with God over the timing of the whole thing. It would have been so much easier if she just never called, never said she was sorry, never said she hoped we could meet face to face someday. However, God does not call us to that which is easy. He calls us to obedience. I had to give myself permission to grieve this loss of a dream job. It hasn't been easy for me to grieve. I usually just push it all away. But this time, I will grieve. I will let God know that although I don't understand, I will stay the course he has set, trusting that he will make all things right.

Proverbs 21:2 All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart.